I am an Abstraction! -- Week # 6



Art by: Charlie Uribe
Guadalajara, Mexico



My affiliation with the feminist thought, my philosophy as an atheist, and my passionate social stance as a Gay/Lesbian advocate used to always find a way into my conversation upon meeting new people. Those who have known me for years have come to realize the dear place each cause has in my life and studies. Many perceive these issues differently; nevertheless respect my sense of activism. But those who have known me only for a few weeks or months are often mystified as how to react, how to read this creature who stanchly labels himself as an atheist, feminist, or LGBT advocate. I’d consciously bring up my affiliation with these issues as a means of intellectual resistance and opposition against the systematic injustices that women and Gays/Feminists endure today. In so doing, I intended to be an inspiration, I aimed to break the cycle of apathy, I strove to ignite a sense of activism in my audiences. How effective have my efforts been? Clearly, it’s not my judgment. But that is besides the point of this entry.

Several months ago, a wonderful friend whose observations I highly respect brought up this issue right after we had met a Palestinian film-maker. We were to pick him up from the airport and take him to San Diego State University where his film was set to be screened. The car ride gave us a little time to interact with him. My company noticed that instead of sharing personal information, I brought forth different areas of my interest and activism through these labels. My friend shared that he personally never delves into his beliefs or religious/political affiliations until he knows a person well, especially when he hasn’t even been asked to comment on the status of women’s rights in the Middle East or the social status of Gays/Lesbians in American society. His observations made a lot of sense to me. But my recent experience living in Los Reyes truly put his observations into perspective.

Los Reyes is a small town. Most of its residents are avocado producers and farmers, the majority of whom have not received higher education. They are not familiar with different discourses of social liberties as many are in bigger cities. They are only in dialogue with what is mainstream, socially accepted. Xenophobia is common, and remains unchallenged to a degree. Feminists, Gays, and atheists are perceived to be mentally ill; they are to be cured. And there I was, giving a frank response to my Spanish teacher’s question about my faith. I sensed that her behavior and view towards me radically changed. She was taken aback by my disbelief in God, and I was disappointed and momentarily frustrated. But soon I recalled my friend’s advice. My relationship with my Spanish teacher was yet to be established as personal. The “Atheist” label thus had overshadowed who I am. And it was then that I thought of what Tracy Cummings, my mentor, once told me, “Often times one has to establish his good will before he can say a lot of things.”

After all, what is atheism? Is it a grand-narrative, with an unmistakably identical pattern of thought, mannerism, and beliefs? Does my Spanish teacher know that “my” atheism encompasses going to mass every now and then and enjoying a sense of community gathered in the Church? Does she know my atheism means praying for the Catholics of Haiti, Muslims of Pakistan, and Baha’is of Iran? Does she know my atheism means viewing religion as a progression of human wisdom, a meaningful narrative, a life-style. Does she know my feminism means battling for women to have a choice, be aware of their choice, and be able to choose motherhood and procreation as an alternative that may be embraced, postponed, or rejected altogether? Does she know my advocacy for Gays/Lesbians means respecting and accepting the most fundamental aspect of one’s human identity before establishing his/her political or social rights in society?

No, she doesn’t. And how is she expected to? We have not chatted over a cup of tea. I have not shown her my photography of Mexico yet. I have not gone to mass with her. I have yet to discuss with her my love for the works of American-Mexican writers. I have not established my good will yet. In personal mannerism, ethics, and thought I have not shown her how I interpret atheism, feminisms, and social activism. I have not narrated my story yet. My friend is right, before one really knows another on a personal level all these labels are unnecessary, they’re meaningless until one can see how a person interprets them in his/her life. They’re absolute abstractions. Equally, I am eager to see how my Spanish teacher has interpreted Catholicism in her life, and more importantly, what kind of tea she drinks, what books she reads, what films she watches. I am excited to hear “her” story.