Saturday, December 18, 2010

Thank You--Week 17 & 18

I have had a lot on my mind. Many entries were in the making before I decided to write an entry to appreciate you. You who make this world a little bit more peaceful, you who ask questions and thus enforce a degree of transparency on the body of authority, you who smile and create many more narratives in which smiling is imagined, lived. This entry is for you who believe in humanity for humanity is your belief in humanity. I am not fond of poetic abstractions, so let me tell you where this pattern of thought comes from. I spoke with a dear friend today. We were updating each other on our recent experiences. So much was discussed of economic desperation and closed-mindedness, lack of embrace, proud ignorance, empty full minds, so much hopelessness. Our talk was redirected to another subject and she told me about a friend who is an Oxford graduate, she has gone back to the Middle East and is currently teaching at an Afghan refugee school in Tehran. Such news move and inspire me. This is her blog, write to her, see her photos: http://setaaareh.blogspot.com/

I am proud and thrilled to be hearing about such people, to be around such souls whose minds truly invite all political borders into a collective love-making to birth a world in which you and I would never be left alone dreaming before a wall taller than our determination.  Let’s bring walls down this year, in our own unique way. Happy New Year, thank you for being witness to this amazing journey.

Love, peace, and less walls in 2011!
Your Aria

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Wayfarer—Week # 14, 15 & 16

A few entries ago I complained about how the lower middle class does not possess the means to philosophize, consumed by their struggling dailyness and livelihood. Three weeks without posing an entry would lead me to reflect that I have yelled at nine year olds more so than I’ve read, I’ve filled out nonsensical paperwork more so than I’ve translated poems. But take this entry as a clear opposition to the intellectual drought of the middle class everywhere. I traveled to Pachuca today, a charming town spread on hills. There I met a lovely friend with whom I explored the city’s museums and archeological sites. I felt alive again. One of my favorite parts of traveling is conversing with random people! Reactions, perspectives, faces, hopes, and wishes are what I crave. I love to ask questions, and I love to be asked questions. The term “the Middle-East” immediately triggers a conversation which delves into politics soon after. Example:

Mexican A: Where’re you from?
Aria: Iran
Mexican B: Ahhhhh!
Mexican A: so what’s spoken there? What do you call it?
Aria: Persian
Mexican A: terrorists live there! (not to be mistaken with a question, this is a statement)
Mexican B: and bombs...
Aria: exactly!
Mexican A & B: Aha! (in unison)

In this dialogue I don’t mean to reduce my Mexicans into stereotypical people who ask shallow questions based on distorted information, but show my weariness of being asked political questions in general. My whole youth was politicized, and I rightly believe that my region and its people have so much to offer to the world, perhaps beyond the troubling conflicts of today. Therefore I grow weary of any type of audience who jumps into political discussions without asking me about Middle Eastern culture, food, music, poetry, etc. Today was another day. I was walking home from the bus station, tired and hungry when I walked by an exotic, tiny bookstore. I took a quick look and continued walking. But I couldn’t resist the temptation. I went back and looked around. I didn’t have any money or energy, so I asked the cashier for a business card. She immediately caught my accent and asked me where I was from. Unlike almost every other time, “Iran” was the beginning of an hour long conversation about traveling, cultures, cuisines, and poetry!

My companion became really interested in my origins, so much so that she went back to her computer, found an online radio for Classical Persian songs and played them in the bookstore. There is no way I can explain how I felt like listening to Setar, Santour & Tar and Persian poetry being played at a bookstore at the heart of Mexico. It was unbelievable. At my absolute delight, every customer who came into the shop asked about the music, and my companion would excitedly point to me and say, “tenemos un amigo de Iran!” My companion told me about her passion to visit a few friends in Turkey but was unsure if she could afford it or logistically do it. I talked about my future traveling plans, and soon my companion was inspired and decided to seriously pursue visiting and working in Turkey for some while.

I’m so glad, more than I’ve ever been as an ambassador of my culture in Mexico, that I was able to be a source of inspiration for a young, appreciative world citizen to embark on an adventure and see more of this world. For all I know, we can use a wonderful ambassador of Mexican culture in the Middle East. I wish her the best, and I look forward to returning to her book store for a conversation about literature and traveling over a cup of tea.

Aria 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Migratory Bird --Week # 13


When you cease being a tourist, get a full time job, study, pay life expenses, borrow money to eat at the end of the month, you start living a life. And ever since I’ve begun living that life, I haven’t had much time to reflect on my decision to teach abroad. This evening the weather was neither cold nor hot, there was a pleasant breeze by the water fountain. The kids were playing by the temple when I, for a few seconds, arrived at this thought: my most precious investment is traveling and shaking new hands, climbing new rooftops, and making love to different ideas. And no one captures this better than my beloved Sohrab Sepehri, the migratory bird:
Life is that strange sense possessed by a migrating bird
Life is a train's whistle reverberating in the sleep of a bridge
Life is seeing a flower bed from the enclosed window
of an airplane
Life is feeling the moon's loneliness
Life is a flower raised to the power of eternity.
Life is the earth multiplied by the number of our
breathings.

Where ever I am, let me be,
the sky is mine.
Sohrab Sepehri
Trans. Karim Emami


Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Empty Place of the Narrative of the Colonized! –Week 12

We’d like to think that the age of colonization is over, and that the politics of despair and exploitation are over. This is a question I most specifically ponder these days as I teach my 4th graders about conquest and colonization. I was hired to replace a leaving teacher; the school had already designed this unit. The central idea is: Conquest and colonization was a strategy to expand territories and obtain more resources. As is evident, this unit is structured and designed from the perspective of the colonizers, only highlighting the positive aspects of this horrid human phenomenon, cultural blending and exchanges between the colonizers and their colonies.

This perspective is fundamentally unjust to those whose cultures were destroyed by colonizers, whose resources were plundered, whose languages were wiped out, whose religions were eradicated. Many societies have reclaimed the religion and culture of their colonizers by combining them with their unique indigenous symbols, images, and interpretation. They have given an indigenous flavor to the language, customs, and mannerism of the colonizers, that underlines the great ability of human beings to adjust to new situations. The irony today is that by resenting the colonizers as a whole one will refuse and reject an inseparable part of their own identity: a culture that has been passed along to them be it by force.  But does that mean condoning the nature of their invasive and horrid acts?

Colonization in the form of sailing for new shores, stealing resources, enslaving people, and imposing one’s cultural/religious elements on a people might be over. But the arrogant, supremacist, survival-of-the-fittest attitude of colonization is far from over. To this day, in comparison with the amount of literature produced and examined by colonizers, the narratives of the colonized are missing. The narratives of natives of Americas are missing. The narratives of African slaves are missing. To this day, euro-centrism (since most contemporary colonizers have emerged from the West) dominates the history of colonization. There can be a balance between reconciling with the traditions of colonizers and treating and reclaiming them as one’s own, but criticizing and taking into question the lack of mutual respect, violence, and racism that colonizers have demonstrated with full force.

We are reaching the end of this unit in 4th grade English, and I look to nurture, spark and ignite a timeless and global sense of condemnation in my students towards any act of invasion, exploitation and disrespect towards any people. And it’s with great sorrow as an American that I have to use the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq as clear contemporary examples of warmongering, exploitation, lack of respect and terrorism.

Globalism means mutual respect between nations, academic exchanges, sharing of economic resources, eradicating political restrictions on traveling, respecting international laws, breaking political monopolies, placing sanctions on individuals responsible for atrocities rather than sanctioning an entire nation and labeling them as the “axis of evil.” Globalism means recognizing no distinction between one’ domestic and foreign policies, it means treating others as one’s own people. Globalism means myriad politically autonomous territories, but only one border! I now wait exuberantly for my 4th graders to present their research on the effects of colonization on their country of choice.

Peace and resistance from Queretaro,
Aria

Saturday, October 30, 2010

To Be or Not To Be -- Week 11

I am not of an underprivileged background. I have never had to worry about money becoming a hindrance to in my life and educational growth. We’ve had enough to maintain a relatively comfortable life. Given that I had the opportunity to immigrate to the U.S even further places me into an exclusively privileged stratum. But I have never lived in an elitist bubble. I was not blind to those who washed cars’ windshields at traffic lights, those who sold candies on the street, and those whose parents were martyrs of war or victims of political activism. I was definitely sympathetic to class disparities, but held no regards for the elitist discourse of behavior which further separated the low class from the rest of society. My father, Ebrahim, was a man loved by people of all walks of life. His funeral was a rare example of pluralism which had brought together engineers and farmers, doctors and clerics, architects and gardeners, and writers and street vendors all under one roof. Every time he entered any house, he’d go directly to the kitchen to greet the cooks and maids. He had no respect and regards for the lines society had drawn between people of different classes. He was bold and genuine, and sadly for us, he lost his life over it.

I see fundamental problems with the world’s economic structure and class disparities and the tangible effects it has had and continues to have on people’s lives. In Iran, I mingled with those who were doomed because their last name was not quite “elitist,” or their background was not filled with college-educated, politically active, and independent business owners. In the U.S, I observed how a certain race has monopoly over social resources and political outlets. And here I am in Mexico working for a school exclusive to the upper class. When I came to Queretaro for my interview, I had such a Marxist irk upon seeing workers opening car doors for students that I didn’t want to return. Now, I work for an “International” school funded by a body of parents that much prefer to see a white, blue-eyed American teach English than an Iranian with an Islamic background. Therefore the administrative staff conveniently forgot to mention where I grew up for 18 years in the letter of introduction that they sent to parents.  

Discrimination is wrong, be it targeted at the poor (as is always) or the rich. I don’t intend to discriminate against the upper class, question their wealth, or call on their money to be distributed amongst the poor. I call on them to practice what they preach. They send their students to an “International” school for them to learn how gorgeous and historical Paris, Madrid and London are. I call on them to equally familiarize themselves with the beauty and history of Herat, Shiraz, and Cairo. They send their kids to a school that teaches their kids to embrace all perspectives and ethnicities. I call on them to be justice-minded, and open their car doors themselves, open doors, many doors, doors to understanding a people that they push farther and farther into a corner, open doors, infinite doors into understanding that every man who has risen to change the world has been of a middle or upper class because philosophizing is the luxury of the privileged; “To be or Not to Be” maybe an intellectual dilemma for the rich, but it’s a question of actual survival for the poor.

I know that the elitist life style of these parents is not the totality of this marvelous country. I know there are people, far more international, living in ghettos and neglected indigenous communities. I know they are people who have global perspectives but dip their dry bread into water for dinner. It’s ironic, but I need the money of the elite to explore the “other” side of Mexico. I will use this experience to get closer to the underprivileged working in the school, hear their story, shake their hands, and open my door to them.

Peace from Queretaro,
Aria

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Viva Los Reyes --Week # 10

If we had considered our time in Mexico to have been bereft of any drama so far, last week alone made up for it. Carolyn finally decided to move to Mexico City to be with her boyfriend, the sole purpose of her coming to this country. She faces a new set of challenges, mainly now that she will be living with David for the first time. Claudia got a position in Mexico City, the Montreal girl finally ended up in another huge city. With her passion and unwavering support for Queer and women’s rights, it doesn’t get any better than living in Mexico City. Intellectual communities with a lively sense of political activism await her. And our Rafael, our I-am-gonna-go-with-the-flow-Rafael, got an ideal job in Puebla after he had already decided he was going to follow Claudia and leave Los Reyes. Puebla, its unique cuisine, old history, charming architecture, and beautiful women will definitely satisfy Rafael. I can hear him shout to himself, as he tends to do when he is alone, “dope man, I’m the shit.” And I, the hot-headed, passionate, culture-loving, intellectual-wanna-be, ended up in a charming town quite alike my own Shiraz, called Querétaro. I know Rafael will read this comparison and say, “damn my dude, you gotta tie everything to Eye-ran in your entries.” Yes, I think I ought to for I love that piece of land called Iran.

Overall, teaching and living in Los Reyes was not a good fit for us and keeping in contact with a world filled with opportunities that all involved living in far more interesting places and getting a better salary further unsettled us. I have such little time in this marvelous country and I really intend to make the most of it, but that is not to disregard the invaluable friendships that I’ve formed with students and people of Los Reyes. This decision has not been one without regrets. But I have to content myself that during my little time with my students I genuinely tried to open up new and different avenues of viewing the world while profoundly respecting their current thought patterns and values. I tried hard to be an approachable teacher and friend who was equally open to learn from them, one who valued their stories, their life style.

I take with me, most preciously, the bond I formed with my students: My remarkably intelligent advanced group (Diana, Aldair, Michel, Alee, Luis) and all the laughter, stories and discussion that we shared. My Intermediate class and their obsession with sex and their youthful energy will never leave my memory. My wonderful friendship with Xochilt and Adriana, I’d never forget the way they’d drag the first syllable of “teaaaaacher” whenever they wanted to tease me. My lovely friend Oswaldo who kindly and generously showed me his wonderful village, Tocumbo. Our wonderful Spanish teacher, Mary, who insisted on interacting with us in spite of being under pressure from the institute not to. I received my first formal Spanish education from Mary, and for that, I am always grateful. To lovely Bernardo, the cheese guy, whose passionate and sincere descriptions of how beautiful Mexico is in spite of only having traveled to two states would drag me to the market. To Nikki, a wonderful teacher and friend, whose pieces of advice helped us deal with the unusual behavior of the institute. To the Ice-cream lady whose pina coladas would bring momentary joy to my evening hours. To Los Reyes for receiving and hosting us, to its warm-blooded people, green hills, beautiful plaza, and all its ice cream shops.

Much love and peace to Los Reyes de Salgado,
Aria

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Pedagogy of the Discontent–week # 9 (delayed)

My discontent with the English institute in Los Reyes is not a piece of news to any of my relatives, friends, and co-workers. While it has failed to affect my general happiness the majority of times, its negative influence has grown recently, both at work and outside. Bfore I decided to teach English abroad, I had read numerous blogs; I was well-aware of the business-oriented mind-set of most language institutes. In spite of the growing number of institutes that mistreat their teachers, I came here to form my own judgment:

The pay is extremely low. There are many unpaid hours. There are no incentives, financial or otherwise. Mismanagements run throughout the hierarchical system. Students—the concept of education in general—are nowhere on the list of priorities. We have been given a book, and the objective has been to finish it. Almost no extra supplements or materials are provided, and far worse, are discouraged. Overall this institute gathers a list of ingredients that would make a perfectly discontent teacher, both at his profession and personal life.

My co-workers have reacted differently to this dysfunctional system. Reactions have varied from pure apathy, lack of motivation to bring about change, and a strong-willed desire to push the institute as far as possible on our demands. Upon the grounds of nine weeks, I make the judgment that none has worked: We are all equally discontent, the apathetic, the determined, and the unmotivated. But what happens when one realizes change is nearly impossible...

Complacency has been a large part of my social upbringing in Iran, both religious and spiritual complacency, resulting into social acceptance towards one’s class which indirectly—and ironically—embraces the lack of social mobility and class disparities.  The oppressive policies of the regime promoted social passivity and political apathy. People’s non-participation in Presidential elections (until 2009) had given the government an outlet to exploit the system “legitimately.” Political apathy and hopelessness run deeply into the Iranian society. This is the kind of environment that I grew up in.

I profoundly resent apathy. Apathy prevents one from bringing about change. Apathy often constitutes acceptance. Acceptance under marginalization gives birth to more oppression and exploitation. In my Iran, the pedagogy of the discontent had long been established with the vocabulary of apathy and passivity. The Green movement has had a massive impact on the re-writing of a more dynamic, political conscious and socially active vocabulary. Of course it takes time for the newly written vocabulary to penetrate into every aspect of society and bring about change. One cannot help but to be filled with hope to see that the wall of apathy has been crushed.  

Los Reyes Teachers
My policy has never been apathy, here in Los Reyes or elsewhere. I’ve tried hard to bring as much change as possible to my classroom by being a professional, caring, and approachable teacher, while searching for better opportunities. Not have I only found solid job offers so far, but I have also motivated and assisted my co-workers to search for better opportunities rather than choosing complacency and apathy. I have done what it takes for them to find a job that brings them contentment. We all have stood up and voiced our discontent towards the school’s mistreatments. As I am writing this blog, three out of four of us are preparing for job interviews on Monday! Getting accepted into those positions is genuinely besides the point, having the courage to crush apathy, being aware of one’s worth, and voicing out opposition are what matter the most. It’s invaluable, as a group of teachers, that we have begun writing the pedagogy of discontent by carving the word “hope” in the forehead of our fate. 

Eshq,
Aria

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Jesus es verbo, no sustantivo -- Week # 8

Riccardo Arjona is a Guatemalan poet and singer; I admire his polemics, especially in his song, “Jesus es verbo, no sustantivo” (Jesus/Christianity is a verb, not a noun). As is evident in the title, Arjona encourages Catholics to embody Jesus in their actions, rather than follow the rituals set by the Vatican Church, an elitist establishment that has no sense of connection or commonality with the majority of Latin Americans living in poverty than the mere name, Catholic. Arjona criticizes the ostentatious practices of Catholicism, the financial resources invested in building luxurious temples and churches while pointing to class disparities, economic grievances and absolute poverty dominant in Latin America. His polemics remind me of Gustavo Gutiérrez, a Peruvian priest who calls on the Catholic faith to embody a more egalitarian understanding of the Bible in their actions and interpretations. Gutiérrez and Arjona both re-claim Catholicism in their unique ways, their vision is consistent with the narrative of human condition in the 21st Century. They raise powerful questions that undermine the elitist and monopolized body of authority while their daily lives are still shaped by the language of Catholicism, their rich cultural heritage. They liberate Catholicism from abusive institutes. They claim it as a verb, rather than a fancy noun exploited by numerous establishments.


I experienced Islam as an oppressive ideology that ruthlessly established itself as a grand-narrative that mobilized masses solely for one purpose: exercising power. I was born into an Islam that had been turned into the absolute source for social, judicial, and political morality. For eighteen years, I lived with an Islam that attempted to annihilate any voice of opposition, an exclusive, elitist framework in which polemists and reformists were regarded as the enemies of Allah. I experienced the Islam of Iran in 1990s, a politicized religion.


I now live in a society that—relatively—allows me to formulate my own views. I choose not to affiliate with or practice any religion. Atheism is not a distance between me and the religious but simply a narrative that makes the most sense to me. But I still face a question that is neither religious nor existential: Culturally, what religion do I belong to? And the answer is clear: I am a Muslim. My childhood and teenage years are profoundly tied to the narrative of Islam, common themes and practices that bond 1.5 billion people, remarkably of different ethnic, economic, and social backgrounds.

It took me several years to move past deep frustrations and resentments of Iran’s authoritative Islam and acknowledge and embrace Islam as my cultural background, an Islam whose body of beliefs, values and symbols are reconcilable with my tendency of viewing the world through the prismatic lens of literature. In the United State of America, I have the freedom to re-claim Islam, emphasize its spiritual side, and negotiate its morality with literary elements: view its laws as symbols and metaphors for possibly greater meanings, interpret its verses through the Feminist, Marxist, and Queer thought, and place Islam as a whole in the context of life in 21st Century.

Dissidents shouting Allah-o Akbar
on their rooftops in Iran
I believe a new Islam is in the making in my Iran. A generation with a silenced political consciousness has now emerged after 1979, hungry to exploit any outlet to observe the world, and dissatisfied with the failure of the Islamic regime to address their economic grievances and permit social liberties, they are searching for alternative avenues of political and social expression. They shout Allah-o Akbar on their rooftops to send a loud and clear message to the oppressive rulers: Your God maybe dead, ours is NOT. In an “Islamic” country, people can send shivers to the body of authority by shouting God’s name. For the martyrs of the Green movement, protesters organized funerals, 3rd, 7th, and 40th day anniversaries (a Shi’a ritual). Funerals became an idiom of public defiance, the ruling regime was intimidated. They feared their own rituals, their own faith. Through their fear, they demonstrated that they do not know their own people. They demonstrated that Islam for them is a noun behind which they hide. Not only were Islamic practices not a hindrance to the way Iranians challenged the authority, but they also became a common language through which they articulated a profoundly contrasting account between the regime's oppressive Islam and their Islam that is in harmony with activism in the defense of social justice.

Gustavo Gutiérrez: "I desire that the hunger for God may remain, that the hunger for bread may be satisfied… Hunger for God, yes; hunger for bread, no."


Love and Peace from Los Reyes,
Aria

Thursday, September 30, 2010

We are mutually vulnerable– Week # 7

“Los que no han sufrido no saben nada. No conocen ni el bien ni el mal, no conocen a los hombres ni se conocen a si mismos” –Fenelón

“Those who have yet to suffer know nothing. They know neither good nor evil; they know neither men nor themselves” –Fenelón

" آنان که با درد و رنج بیگانه اند از هیچ چیز آگاهی ندارند، نه نیک را از بد تمیز توانند داد و نه از خود یا دیگری آگاهی توانند داشت" – فِنِلون

Those who have worked with me can attest that I am extremely patient. But there is a student that has been pushing the envelope further and further since the beginning of the semester; my bowl of patience has been brimming with frustration. Finally, I asked her to leave the classroom after she referred to an African-American man in the textbook as a “nigger.” Mindful of language and historical barriers, I genuinely tried to explain to her the racist burden contemporary American history has placed on this term, and offered her appropriate terms to use when referring to an American wo/man of African descent, but she further insisted on using the derogatory term. Perhaps she just wanted to defy the authority for all it’s worth. But there are certain questions that I’d still like to contemplate upon before dismissing the incident as such.

In an age where information incessantly pours into our screens, an age where books have their own magic of finding their way around the globe, no place is remote, no town is inaccessible, and no culture is isolated. “That” student must have read/heard about the history of slavery in the U.S. and the world. But what’s the gravity of her knowledge? Did she grow up with racism and racial sensitivities, dynamics of a post-slavery society?  Did she feel the percussions of slavery to the marrow of her bones by observing the systematic injustices African-Americans endure to this day? Has she read first-hand accounts of slavery? I assume she has seen depictions of slavery in films where the identities of slaves are barely negotiated with subjectivity and nuanced embodiment. She is unfamiliar with their history, with their stories, the reality of owning another human being does not sit heavily on her. “Nigger” is just another word for her, and for me it is the lynchings, it is Ku Klux Klan which used to ravage the South not long ago, it’s the ownership of another human, it’s murder and torture. Between the two of us, the gravity of this truth sits heavily on me.

Cathedral of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Zamora, Michoacán
During the Cristero War in Mexico, many Catholics were
 executed against this wall by the Mexican Army
But “that” student has truths of her own that have little or no gravity for me: foreign invasion and conquest, centuries of feudalism and monarchy, decades of American imperialism, the persecutions of Catholics by the Secular government of Mexico, indigenous marginalization, atrocities caused by drug mafias, etc. I am unfamiliar with her pain, with the history of Mexican struggle. As I face my own unique struggle of establishing myself in Mexican society, learn their language and familiarize myself with their stories and pain, there are hundreds of red lines that I probably have crossed, of course subconsciously. For her, the term “Narco,” which I use so freely and loosely, means abduction, ransom, public shootings, fear, paranoia, in short, a national catastrophe! And there have been many times when I have jokingly used this term, being unaware of how real its threat is, unaware of how deep its damage has been felt throughout Latin America, how many lives it has consumed.

I knew very little about the United States as a nation. After I immigrated to the U.S, I studied American culture and history, I breathed American culture and history, its pains I assumed as my own, its stories I assumed as my own. And still there were many moments when I felt out of place. In Iran, we lightheartedly made jokes about Nazi Germany, Hitler and his gruesome regime. I remember for my 12th birthday, I asked for a cake with a Nazi symbol on top. A few zestful speeches, handful of movies, and a couple of photos with his typical serious pose were all I knew of Nazi Germany and the atrocities it had caused. I just wanted to be “different,” but that birthday cake symbol for someone else would have been reminiscent of his/her grandparents’ remains. In the U.S, the ground in which the Nazi Germany is seen and analyzed bears no tolerance towards humor, as lighthearted as the one of an uneducated 12 year-old might be. The massive migration of European Jews to the U.S, the staggering number of first-hand accounts of the Holocaust published by the American media and many other factors contribute to the serious and unforgiving manner in which Nazi Germany is (and should be) perceived by Americans.   

As one who sees everything through the lens of literature, I place my absolute faith in the therapeutic effects of story-telling, and the dialogue it generations. I do not expect my student to obtain absolute sensitivity towards American history and society, but I hope she comes to class with an open heart for I am about to tell some stories. “From the suffering of another, there comes a giving that is no longer drawn from the power of acting and giving, but precisely from weakness itself, and the suffering other gives knowledge of shared vulnerability and the experience of the spontaneous benevolence required to bear that knowledge”—Paul Ricoeur.

Peace and resistance from Los Reyes,
Aria

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I am an Abstraction! -- Week # 6


Art by: Charlie Uribe
Guadalajara, Mexico

My affiliation with the feminist thought, my philosophy as an atheist, and my passionate social stance as a Gay/Lesbian advocate used to always find a way into my conversation upon meeting new people. Those who have known me for years have come to realize the dear place each cause has in my life and studies. Many perceive these issues differently; nevertheless respect my sense of activism. But those who have known me only for a few weeks or months are often mystified as how to react, how to read this creature who stanchly labels himself as an atheist, feminist, or LGBT advocate. I’d consciously bring up my affiliation with these issues as a means of intellectual resistance and opposition against the systematic injustices that women and Gays/Feminists endure today. In so doing, I intended to be an inspiration, I aimed to break the cycle of apathy, I strove to ignite a sense of activism in my audiences. How effective have my efforts been? Clearly, it’s not my judgment. But that is besides the point of this entry.

Several months ago, a wonderful friend whose observations I highly respect brought up this issue right after we had met a Palestinian film-maker. We were to pick him up from the airport and take him to San Diego State University where his film was set to be screened. The car ride gave us a little time to interact with him. My company noticed that instead of sharing personal information, I brought forth different areas of my interest and activism through these labels. My friend shared that he personally never delves into his beliefs or religious/political affiliations until he knows a person well, especially when he hasn’t even been asked to comment on the status of women’s rights in the Middle East or the social status of Gays/Lesbians in American society. His observations made a lot of sense to me. But my recent experience living in Los Reyes truly put his observations into perspective.

Los Reyes is a small town. Most of its residents are avocado producers and farmers, the majority of whom have not received higher education. They are not familiar with different discourses of social liberties as many are in bigger cities. They are only in dialogue with what is mainstream, socially accepted. Xenophobia is common, and remains unchallenged to a degree. Feminists, Gays, and atheists are perceived to be mentally ill; they are to be cured. And there I was, giving a frank response to my Spanish teacher’s question about my faith. I sensed that her behavior and view towards me radically changed. She was taken aback by my disbelief in God, and I was disappointed and momentarily frustrated. But soon I recalled my friend’s advice. My relationship with my Spanish teacher was yet to be established as personal. The “Atheist” label thus had overshadowed who I am. And it was then that I thought of what Tracy Cummings, my mentor, once told me, “Often times one has to establish his good will before he can say a lot of things.”

After all, what is atheism? Is it a grand-narrative, with an unmistakably identical pattern of thought, mannerism, and beliefs? Does my Spanish teacher know that “my” atheism encompasses going to mass every now and then and enjoying a sense of community gathered in the Church? Does she know my atheism means praying for the Catholics of Haiti, Muslims of Pakistan, and Baha’is of Iran? Does she know my atheism means viewing religion as a progression of human wisdom, a meaningful narrative, a life-style. Does she know my feminism means battling for women to have a choice, be aware of their choice, and be able to choose motherhood and procreation as an alternative that may be embraced, postponed, or rejected altogether? Does she know my advocacy for Gays/Lesbians means respecting and accepting the most fundamental aspect of one’s human identity before establishing his/her political or social rights in society?

No, she doesn’t. And how is she expected to? We have not chatted over a cup of tea. I have not shown her my photography of Mexico yet. I have not gone to mass with her. I have yet to discuss with her my love for the works of American-Mexican writers. I have not established my good will yet. In personal mannerism, ethics, and thought I have not shown her how I interpret atheism, feminisms, and social activism. I have not narrated my story yet. My friend is right, before one really knows another on a personal level all these labels are unnecessary, they’re meaningless until one can see how a person interprets them in his/her life. They’re absolute abstractions. Equally, I am eager to see how my Spanish teacher has interpreted Catholicism in her life, and more importantly, what kind of tea she drinks, what books she reads, what films she watches. I am excited to hear “her” story.   

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Song of "Myself" --Week # 5

Dedicated to the world’s youth who strive to write their own vocabulary of
liberation and hope.

Los Reyes is hardly on any maps. It is a small town. It has waterfalls, volcanoes, and mountains. It has no cinemas, amusement parks, or grand shopping malls. Its youth are all the same; they walk under the same blue sky. A stream of blood runs euphorically through their brain at the sight of a teenage girl/boy. They spend hours before a mirror, a few minutes doing their homework in the hallway, and many more hours day dreaming in class. They are all the same, I repeat these lines to myself sitting in a cozy, smoke-filled cafe attentively observing the mannerisms of Los Reyes’ youth: the way they share a smoke, crack jokes, sip their beer, and the unique way in which each enjoys the live music and friendly environment of the cafe. And there is this guy, not far from where I am sitting, he shares a striking similarity with a close friend who lives in Shiraz; it’s enough to sink me into nostalgia. I cannot pull myself back together, cannot brush off the blues with any color. I walk outside.

My Iran has been on the news for its support of terrorism, threat to world peace, nuclear development, etc. But the daily realities that I experienced for eighteen years and my friends continue to experience today are nowhere on the list, dismissed entirely. In Iran, we are referred to as the “children of the revolution,” products of a repressive, totalitarian ideology that demands unquestioned devotion from its people, viciously injects its morality into Iranian society, and strives to annihilate any voice of opposition. Our story was narrated for us. Before we could form our own opinion, create our own identity, write our own history, all the answers were spoon fed to us. The grand-narrative demanded that we pray to one Direction, believe in one Truth, follow one Path. And somewhere in the midst of this chaos, there we were searching only for a cozy, smoke-filled café to enjoy some music, crack jokes, and feel youthful.

Writing the “song of myself” is not the easiest of tasks in the Islamic Republic of Iran. The official culture has taken over its own people as the enemy. There is no concept of citizenry reflected in the foundation of the regime and the application of its laws. The concept of democracy is reduced to presidential elections that have been rigged for the past eight years. In the Islamic Republic everything is politicized. A cup of coffee is politicized. Music lyrics are politicized. Women’s body is politicized. One’s sex life is politicized. In a culture where the government has no legitimacy, harms its people instead of protecting them, speaks on behalf of other oppressed nations while oppressing its own people in the day light, everything is the subject of politics. And somewhere in the midst of this confusion and turmoil, there we were probing for an entirely social concept of youthfulness. But we were out of line even before taking the first step. Our existence was out of line.

Iran has a long way to be a pluralistic democracy. Economic grievances need to be addressed first, and the concept of human rights and pluralism need to find their way into the law. And there are many more components that I will not bother writing about.  This blog is not about politics. It is about the youth and youthfulness. It’s about establishing the realm of politics distinctly separate from the social realm of youthfulness. My friends are captivated by a fixed, repressive morality. Their youthful years are being politicized. It's about humanizing them.

Peace and resistance from Los Reyes,
Aria
 

Monday, September 6, 2010

Can I get some English off the menu please? – Week # 4

Dedicated to Laurel Amtower, an inspiring professor, thinker, and intellectual.

Laurel Amtower
RIP
In my last entry, I shared my personal experience with the way English is commodified, “authentically” sold with a fixed market value. My mentor asked me, “Well...what isn’t commodified these days?” She always has valid points. Happiness is on sale. Redemption is sold in temples. Democracy is sold on the gallows. And freedom...I particularly remember these poignant lines from Ahmad Shamlu, “I fear dying in a land where the price of freedom is cheaper than the salary of its grave-diggers.” And thinking...I recently reviewed the works of an Iranian poet, Naanaam; he has an interesting perspective on the commidification of education and thought-processes, concepts that ought to sustain a healthy distance from the hard-core economic scene of our capitalistic world today.

Naanaam writes, “We live in a world where the act of thinking, knowledge, and vision have all been commodified. He asserts that by assigning a fixed economic value to books and ideas therein, thinking, as a creative and inquisitive process, has been reduced to pursuing a particular agenda: stabilizing and improving one’s social status. With respect to the status of independent thinking, Naanaam draws an interesting parallel to the way the fast food industry has changed people’s qualitative and quantitative eating habits: “McDonald’s only thinks about filling people up, it does not concern itself with the value of nutrition. I see this as a symbol, for me the act of thinking is akin to the value of nutrition, a reading process that is not accompanied by independent thinking means devouring, it means McDonald’s.”

I came to Mexico with grand ideas. I brought my euphoria, my love for English. I brought a small suitcase filled with classroom memories and experiences. I know my teaching abilities and weaknesses. I am well aware that a suitable learning environment is one that engages students with the material at hand, broadens their horizons, brings dynamism to class, and creates a small English community (in this instance) in which language learners feel secure and comfortable to produce language, make mistakes, and self-evaluate their progress. But already after three weeks of working for the Culturlingua institute, I find that I am “selling” English, not teaching it. I have no option but to stick to the book. No outside material is provided or paid for. Making photocopies is often not welcomed. Books are old and worn-out. They are in need of fundamental revision to sustain interest. The administrative staff seem apathetic to the progress of students. In short, it’s a business establishment. I have put my suitcase of euphoria back in the closet.

Nobody has learned a language from a book. Otherwise I would have been absolutely fluent in Arabic having studied it since sixth grade. In the next several months, this job will pose a massive challenge to me as a teacher. At worst, it will ignite a cold sense of frustration. And at best, it will force me to be more creative and resourceful. At the moment, my discontent aside, I have an ethical commitment to my students. That is all that matters. That is where my focus lies. They look up to me. I cannot let them down.

Aria

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Face of English - Week 3

The market for teaching English as a second/foreign language is well-established today. English is an international language. It’s the “official” language of world’s most powerful country which has massive influence on mainstream media and culture, and in every corner of our world that influence is relatively evident. Much of what flows incessantly into our screens on-line is written in English. English is a requirement for the most prestigious universities in the world. It’s the common language of traveling and tourism. Innumerable scholarly works in myriad fields are written in English. It’s the language of Shakespeare, a university in and of himself as Edward Said once said.


I moved to the U.S in 2004 with limited English. I had been studying English on and off since 12. It wasn’t until I turned 16 when I became really determined to learn English, precisely when my family was summoned by the American embassy in Ankara, Turkey, a year after which we immigrated to San Diego. Even then, my motivation to study English had more to do with Ali Agah, my teacher, than moving to the U.S. Upon settling in America, I had to re-think my academic plans. I loved literature. Having grown up in Shiraz, one couldn’t resist falling in love with poetry. Lyricism was embedded in the city’s landscape: its purple mountains, roses, narrow water canals running through its gardens, its tall and slender variety of cypress, its lackadaisical atmosphere, its heavenly Mays have all nurtured many poets over the years. Poetry has been and continues to be the most common medium of expression of all Iranian tribes, Kurds, Turkmen, Afghans, Tajiks, Persians, Bakhtiaris, etc. I was no exception either.

Literature required a high level of language proficiency. I studied hard. I devoted my life to the learning of English. I read everything. I read bias-less-ly, from the Classics to the Romantics, from medieval works to Post-Modern works. I wrote day and night. Literature was not a major for me, a college degree with a fixed economic value. It’s my vision, how I interpret the world as a text, how I make love, how I say hello, how I express anger. It’s how I see a “tree,” how I shop at the market, how I pass by a stranger. It’s my day and its daily-ness. In 2009, I finished my elementary studies in literature. I decided to settle down for two years, read a few books, translate a few poems, and gain experience as a teacher. In May 2010, I obtained my TESOL degree (Teacher of English to Speakers of Other Languages). I began searching for jobs soon after. And it was then that I encountered the following criteria in many job postings: Native-Speakers Only!

That was not a requirement I could meet. It was neither a degree that I could obtain, nor an experience that I could gain. It was what it was: English is not my mother tongue. And it will never be. It was then that I was introduced to the concept of “native-ness,” and its entitlements pertaining to native speakers. I did secure a position as an English teacher, but the debate continues on my mind. On paper, my application is dismissed by many hiring directors because I am not a native-speaker. But we all know that the intent of such requirements overlook one’s capability to speak English, one’s familiarity with its nuances, one’s level of articulation and fluency, one’s ability to explain and elucidate its grammar. One can be a native speaker and be able to perform none of the above. The concept of “native-ness,” in my eyes, is intertwined with the concept of “authenticity” and its market value. Who’s the “authentic”—read more marketable—face of English? Who has the most “proper” and “authentic” accent? My roommate Rafael, who’s from New York, but is of Dominican and Puerto Rican descent? Or Claudia, my Canadian colleague who’s of Moroccan descent? Or is it my friend Carolyn, a British citizen born in Northern Ireland? I believe the more appropriate question ought to be: Should English have a “native” face? In an age where cultures engage in an artistic, literary, etc dialogue by the virtue of a “click,” some speak of “authenticity” as if they can reach for it in their pockets. An ethnically or geographically monopolized concept of authenticity is a museum object, the remnant of an archaic culture. It has no place in the contemporary culture. A teacher should NEVER be hired or judged based on his/her passport.

Good or bad, often “native-speakers” of Arabic, Persian, Urdu, Hindi, Turkish and Pashto have been burdened with the task of teaching their mother tongue due to the lack of wo/men-power. The presence of a sharp, critical perspective in the teaching of less commonly taught languages compared to Spanish, French, German and English can perhaps be pardoned. But English has inherited many lovers whose roots have been nurtured in foreign soils, whose many accents only enrich its syllables, whose diverse perspectives open more avenues to the understanding of its arts & literature. English has no excuses not to equally embrace all its children. I had been long debating whether or not I should tell my advanced students about my birthplace. Where I grew up is a big part of me, relevant to my classroom. I found that the burden of holding this piece of information from them only grew heavier as we got to know one another. I had my reservations and fears. But it no longer mattered for I, too, am a face of the English language. So last Friday I joyously pointed to the city of roses and poets on the world map: That is where I was born. It is who I am.


“Human nature will not flourish, any more than a potato, if it be planted and replanted, for too long a series of generations, in the same worn-out soil. My children have had other birthplaces, and, so far as their fortunes may be within my control, shall strike their roots into unaccustomed earth,” Nathaniel Hawthorn, The Scarlet Letter.

Aria
Los Reyes

Thursday, August 26, 2010

This Is What It Means To be a Teacher – Week 2

Dedicated to the memory of Mohammad Bahman-Beigi: nomadic teacher, writer, educator.
Mohammad Bahman-Beigi


Books are strewn on the floor. The night before our first day as English teachers. Everyone attempts to project what teaching will be like. Questions are floating in the air. How do you deal with real beginners? How do you discipline trouble-makers? What if students decide to speak Spanish and ignore me? I’m fine with adults, how do you entertain children? More theorizing and projecting follow. We plan our Monday minute by minute. Choose five different icebreakers for the first 7 minutes of class. We go over lesson # 1 and simultaneously attempt to predict our students’ level of English. More anxiety follows. How the heck am I supposed to teach my beginners “present perfect tense?” Do you think intermediate students can handle “frequency adjectives?” On the brighter side, our anxiety demonstrates that students are only thought of with care and thoughtfulness. The teaching day arrives.

Was it anything like we had projected? Yes. There was a classroom. There were students. But teaching was a foreign prospect, akin to a stranger who had concealed himself from us in spite of our deliberate and anxious attempts to get to know him. He’s unknowable, unpredictable, and queer. We look forward to meeting him with much anticipation. We are excited about him. At those times, he seems most aloof. Making an error or two affects our mood massively. Lack of response from students takes our entire planning into question. We get disappointed. And at those times, he gracefully comes around and gives us a sense of warmth and encouragement with his smile. A smile that only hardworking and free-spirited teachers can earn.

Today was a day filled with manic-depressive moments. Teaching is self-probation, self-annihilation, and self-reflection at the same time. It’s simultaneously five coffee-less hours, five joyful hours, five painful hours. It’s five hours smiling when you want to sob, five hours smiling meaninglessly when you want to rip a student apart, five hours standing when you want to open the door and run. Allow me to speak in the lamest terms, just standing before a group of gazing eyes who wait impatiently for you to open your mouth takes much fortitude. But until you have not opened your mouth, inspired them, been a friend to them, judged them, disciplined them, and loved them, you haven’t done the rest, which take a heart and a ruler. If you survive all this at the end, they call you a ‘teacher.’ Oh also, they tend to pay you.

Teaching five classes, five different age levels, and five different language levels is an appalling prospect, a massive task. I have my advanced group, a group of teenage girls who have been studying English for five years. They gracefully arrive late, reproach me if I let them go thirty seconds late, ask to be corrected, when corrected give me a dirty look. In their class, I try to be 'cool,' speak their 'language.' I probably come off archaic. Only if I understood those Spanish chatters… My intermediate highs are next. Also teenagers. I like them. They make awkward jokes. This girl asked me if I had a girlfriend. I nodded yes. She said, “She’s probably ugly.” I said, "why would you say that?" She said self-righteously as she was chewing her gum, “Oh I was just joking.” No matter how much I beg them to call me Aria, I still hear them say, “See you tomorrow teacher.” Next are spoiled, ten year olds. This girl, Natalia...I wish I had her confidence. Throughout college, I never volunteered to read poetry. I believed English poetry and Iranian accent do not go well together. Whenever this girl opens her mouth, she thinks she’s gracing the English language. They want to play hide and seek. They want to be in “boys” versus “girls” groups. I want to pull my hair. God forbid I leave the class for a second…they’re destructing something. My last class is with adults. They are motivated. A notebook in front, a dictionary, a sharpened pen, with their learning appetite. Before I open my mouth, they want to be corrected. Every grammatical point has to be elucidated to death. They already know more about the English grammar than most native speakers. But they cannot speak it.

Yes my dear friends, I go from talking about career change to past perfect tense, from Grandma Julie watering her flowers to this book is red in the afternoon, and from "Rose by any other name would be as sweet" to My name is Aria, nice to meet you at night. It’s a rollercoaster ride that sees me transform from a cool teacher, to a clown, from an entertaining baby sitter to a right-to-the-point lecturer. For all it’s worth, we have probed the 'true' meaning of teaching. But our queer friend, “teaching,” seems to be still in hiding.

However, today he seems to have graced us with his smile.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Me llamo Aria y tú? Still Week 1

There are things one cannot change, even by force. During a trip to Acapulco, I was ridiculed by my friends for having taken a philosophy book on a yacht, in one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. That night, my friend met two nice girls, with one of whom he really ‘clicked.’ He brought Sophia and her sister upstairs so to be ‘charitable’ and encourage me to join them on the dance floor. Sophia never left the roof top until the yacht had returned to the shores. She happened to be a literature major, enough said for those who know me. I didn’t re-tell this story to show off; I have a point to make.

Before I decided to teach English in Latin America, I read numerous blogs, mostly written by English teachers. Mostly, they had chosen Latin America for its fun and festive environment, drinking, socializing, so forth and so on. I don’t quite know my roommates yet, unaware of their tendencies and definition of ‘fun.’ All I know is that every time I came out of my room, for whatever reason, we engaged in a heavy, intellectual conversation. Discussions vary from the contemporary place of religion in the world, Post-Modern American literature, Feminist writings, etc. Last night, in the midst of one of our long discussions, it just hit me! In the middle of a charming town, at eight o’clock, after a day of work, we were discussing Simone de Beauvoir’s “The Second Sex”???

I laughed, not at the moment, not at what a hopeless book lover I am. I laughed at how the world works! What are the chances that three teachers would end up, each from a different corner of this planet, in a little Mexican town to discuss books??? My Canadian roommate finally gave up. Today, she proposed that we create a book club, read throughout the week, and discuss our books on Saturdays. So the point being, sometimes it’s better to accept and embrace one’s personality rather than go against it. If I take so much joy in discussing Nima Youshij’s love letters and Cormic McCarthy’s “All the Pretty Horses” to my roommates, then so be it. I believe once one finds peace with his/her personality, and truly see that there are as many gods in the world as there are humans, then no source of authority can stand in his/her way. No one can dictate to him what to think, how to make love, how to worship, and what to do in one’s leisure time in Mexico! In my precious time here, I plan on learning from my roommates and contribute to our ‘little’ book club. And I take pride in that.

Aria

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

# 20 Orquidea - Week 1

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country -- Pablo Neruda

Here I am in Mexico! A new town, a new job, a renewed sense of life. “One must close the book, rise, walk alongside Time, gaze at the flowers, and hear ambiguity,” Sohrab’s words rang in my ears throughout the trip. I cannot tell you the exact reason why I’ve come here. I’m constantly in a state of euphoria, making instant decisions, which led my friends to take my plan to teach English in Mexico with a grain of salt. Quite frankly, I have not just come to teach English, learn Spanish, explore a different culture; I have come here to hear “ambiguity,” to grasp and appreciate confusion more profoundly, to gaze at “flowers” on this side of the world, to “walk” alongside Time. And already, though my clothes remain strewn on the floor, I have realized that here flowers are the same, and simultaneously extremely different. I find myself somewhere in the middle, at times I don’t find myself.

Los Reyes is a small town in the green state of Michoacan eight hours from Mexico City. The town is rusty and uninteresting at first, but its charm grows once one explores its waterfalls, narrow streets at nights, its small, cozy downtown, its market, and if none would do, speaking with the locals will always bring a foreigner a sense of joy and embrace. Though I have to admit the locals’ fixed gaze out of fascination can be intimidating. My Irish roommate has become quite a celebrity in no time with her fair skin and light hair. English teachers reside in # 20, Orquidea Street, and every one in neighborhood knows that. No matter where you’d want to go, locals will direct you to # 20 Orquidea Street. I’d be eating breakfast, walking down the street, chatting with someone, and locals would be gazing at me. In the U.S, your existence goes unnoticed, here I have come alive. But wait! No judging yet, in a few weeks, I will possibly be attention-smitten!

I’ve not brought much. A manual on teaching English, the anthology of Contemporary Afghan Poets to translate, a basic Persian-English dictionary, the educational memories of Mohammad Bahman-Beigi, McCullers’ The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter and The Scarlett Letter. The smiling picture of Sohrab and a picture of Shiraz decorate my simple, rusty room. The window is broken, and butterflies and mosquitoes keep me company all night. And no, I don’t wake up by the roosters’ cries, rather by the construction workers’ ruthless hammer. I visited the English school today. It’s a charming place. It reminds me of my own English school in Shiraz, which brings me to a state of nostalgia. Who would have thought…

I took a big step today. I went to the market, bought tomatoes, green peppers, apples, and quesillo (Oaxaca cheese). I’m cookin’. At the cheese store, one of the locals took a bag of tortillas and gave them to me. He felt I needed them. I liked his feelings for me. In the United States people don’t have tortilla feelings for one another. I call Mexico home by choice and with utmost pleasure, this country is wonderful! I do miss my family dearly, my lover, my grandmother! But I feel as though detachment will bring a lyrical rhythm to my life.

Eshq,
Aria